#sarcasm

Well after that testosterone-shattering experience, I have no more dignity to worry about. Ever. Anyone have a cushion I can sit on? A really big fluffy one? Hell, let’s even make it pale pink with bows on it just for good measure. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#experience

I don't know how you persist in being so stubborn-" "It's a superpower. I was bitten by a radioactive mule. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#retort #sarcasm #stubborn #superpower #humor

YES. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I ROLL. LIKE A SUAVE THING. In fact, from here on, please forward my mail to 1 Suave Hill, Suave Boulevard, Suavieland, Planet of She's-So-Smooth-I-Can't-Believe-She's-Not-Butter. ↗

— Michele Jaffe

#sarcasm #humor

High School. Society’s bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life. ↗

— Chris Colfer

#humor #sarcasm #humor

I forgot my purse of laughter when I dressed this mornin'," she told me. "Have you not bought anythin' the last few days? Prices have gone up. Pay or starve, it's all one to me. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#humorous-comebacks #inflation #sarcasm #seller #humor

I’m sure I have no idea what you are talking about PRINCESS.” He tilted his head and half curtseyed when he said the last word. “That! That is what I am talking about. Since we ran into the others you have been cold and more arrogant than usual.” She kept her voice low so the others would not hear. “Is that so? I would say I was averagely arrogant ↗

— B.C. Morin

#sarcasm #sarcasm-humor #humor

Maybe,” he said in a slow, rural drawl, “you could explain to me why I found you in the middle of an orgy.” “Well,” I said, “if you’re going to be in an orgy, the middle is the best spot, isn’t it. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #orgy #sarcasm #humor

You know the difference between right and wrong,' he repeated finally. 'Man, why did you need Initiation—by the Golden Dawn, or by anybody else? You are a genius, a sage, a giant among men. You have solved the problem which philosophers have been debating since antiquity—the mystery about which no two nations or tribes have ever agreed, and no two men or women have ever agreed, and no intelligent person has ever agreed totally with himself from one day to the next. You know the difference between right and wrong. I am overawed. I swoon. I figuratively kiss your feet. ↗

— Robert Anton Wilson

#morality #relativism #sarcasm #intelligence

Oh no, praying is great, without it the thumbscrews and the Iron Maiden probably never would have been invented. ↗

— Stephen King

#sarcasm #religion

Am dining at Goldini's Restaurant, Gloucester Road, Kensington. Please come at once and join me there. Bring with you a jemmy, a dark lantern, a chisel, and a revolver. S. H." It was a nice equipment for a respectable citizen to carry through the dim, fog-draped streets. ↗

— Arthur Conan Doyle

#sarcasm #sherlock-holmes #respect