#sarcasm

I do sarcasm really poorly. ↗

— Brittany Murphy

#i do #poorly #really #sarcasm

Sebastian just smiled. “I could hear your heart beating,” he said softly. “When you were watching me with Valentine. Did it bother you?” “That you seem to be dating my dad?” Jace shrugged. "You’re a little young for him, to be honest.” “What?” For the first time since Jace had met him, Sebastian seemed flabbergasted. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-wayland #realization #sarcasm #sebastian #valentine-morgenstern

Death's got an Invisibility Cloak?" Harry interrupted again. "So he can sneak up on people," said Ron. "Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking... ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #sarcasm #death

I have a theory that as human beings get older, chemicals are released into the brain to prepare us for the end. Sort of like how the nurse lubes your ass up before the anus-cam. It makes the whole thing a lot easier to swallow. Easier, not enjoyable. ↗

— Kris D'Agostino

#death-and-dying #humor #life #life-and-living #realist

I guess it's true what they say. There are no straight men in the trenches." ~Jace ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #funny #humor #jace-wayland #misquoted

Sarcasm is lost in print. ↗

— Jon Cryer

#lost #print #sarcasm

She'd met Colin on a Monday. She'd kissed him on a Friday. Twelve years later. She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor #sarcasm #funny

The over-weight and out of shape guy who owned the house had apparently decided that having a half-million dollar house meant that he couldn’t afford to hire someone to clean out his gutters. Now he was dead with what looked to me like a broken neck after the ladder had slipped. He’d taken the plunge into his fancy landscaping—complete with rock garden. But hey, his fucking gutters were clean. ↗

— Diana Rowland

#dying #garden #humor #irony #sarcasm

In my opinion, I think sarcasm and humor in a song, without turning it into a novelty song, is really charming. ↗

— Alanis Morissette

#humor #i #i think #in my opinion #into

You've read half the books in this house? This whole house?" "Well, approximately half." Sticky said. "To be more accurate, I suppose I've read more like" - his eyes went up as he calculated - "three sevenths? Yes, three sevenths." "Only three sevenths?" said Kate, pretending to look disappointed. "And here I was prepared to be impressed. ↗

— Trenton Lee Stewart

#funny #reading #sarcasm #funny