#funny

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder. ↗

— Al Gore

#about #all night #because #been #day

Dear God," said Nudge under her breath, "I want real parents. But I want them to want me too. I want them to love me. I already love them. Please see what you can do. Thanks very much. Love, Nudge." Okay, so I'm not saying we were pros at this or anything. (Max thoughts) ↗

— James Patterson

#desire #funny #god #humor #learning

I think Secretary's funny, it is about sex, and there's a lot of sex in it, sex is the key, but you're talking about a lot of other complicated things. ↗

— Maggie Gyllenhaal

#complicated #complicated things #funny #i #i think

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. ↗

— Buddy Hackett

#child #choices #consisted #family #leave

My heart is so light that it's amazing. I get to play all this grief, all this loss, all this disaster and chaos. It's hysterically funny. I am very light. ↗

— Linda Hamilton

#amazing #chaos #disaster #funny #get

We try to... we are, I suppose to a certain extent all affected and erm, that is both funny and sad I think. ↗

— Tony Hancock

#both #certain #certain extent #erm #extent

At the beginning of 'Will and Grace', I played Jack as the funny next-door-neighbor type, as we've seen in the past. And I thought that was my role. ↗

— Sean Hayes

#funny #grace #i #in the past #jack

Anybody watch General Clinic yesterday,” Vivian asked. “I had to work the lunch shift.” “Ooh, yeah,” Darlene said. “‘Fraid it doesn’t look good for Emile. It’s all that Mona’s fault. He wanted a private marriage and she wouldn’t listen.” At this, Vivian got a sad look in her eyes. Her mother had raised her on General Clinic. Her mother herself had been a faithful viewer for most of her life, ever since it was first aired. Instead of growing up on the stories of her mother’s childhood, Vivian was raised on bedtime summaries of past episodes of General Clinic, mostly from the 1970’s episodes, the so-called ‘stagnant years,’ highly underrated in her mother’s opinion. For 39 years her mother watched that show. Then she died. It happened just the way Aubrey murdered her son’s babysitter in the April 3, 1971 episode. What was the coincidence of that? Vivian thought about the irony of fate. Now she would be a victim of the very same unlikely probability. If only Emile would pull through…she might have a chance to hope. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #soap-operas #faith

I really wanted to find a piano for the farm house. There were so many free pianos on Craigslist, I thought, 'Let's get as many free pianos as we can and stick them all in the barn.' I got eight in a short period of time, only six of which were tunable, but it's still quite funny. ↗

— Neko Case

#eight #farm #find #free #funny

I had a dream about you. I was a ventriloquist trying to share your fashion secrets, but you wouldn’t talk. So we put on a strip show for the department store sale, and I was arrested for theft – I took away your dignity as a mannequin. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships