#humor

They said I was a valued customer, now they send me hate mail. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#humor #humour #shopping #funny

I read books so dry even a cactus couldn’t grow on them. But who cares? I’m not a farmer, I’m a thinker. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#farmer #funny #humor #read-books #thinker

This is the biggest damn IPod I've ever seen," Claire said, which made him choke on his beer. "Kidding. I have seen a jukebox before. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#feast-of-fools #funny #humor #rachel-caine #shane-collins

Like all real heroes, Charley had a fatal flaw. He refused to believe that he had gonorrhea, whereas the truth was that he did. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#sex #humor

Do is to don’t, as go is to gon’t. Gon’t even do there.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#wordplay #humor

But if you don't watch me, I will try and sneak in some humor. I see humor everywhere in life around me. ↗

— Marion Ross

#everywhere #humor #i #i see #life

You're a ring-wearing, save-yourself-for-marriage kind of girl. I dig that. ↗

— E.C. Newman

#ezra-varden #humor #humor

The end of an ox is beef, the end of a lie is grief. - Serious Men ↗

— Manu Joseph

#humor

Maruman does not loll. ↗

— Isobelle Carmody

#accidental #cat #coincidence #funny #humor

That bullies have low self-esteem is a fact written by neurotic nerds. In the battle of intellect versus power, the winner lacks integrity. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #nerds #self-esteem #funny