#humor

Some things are best left a blur. Births and Visa Bills. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#shopaholic #humor

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine. ↗

— Bill Cosby

#humor

I don't like him." Looking from Kale to Alex, Ginger said, "I don't like cabbage. Do you see me taking on the produce section of the food store? ↗

— Jus Accardo

#old-lady #wisdom #food

If everyone repeated my sayings, I would be so famous they wouldn’t have to be the least bit clever. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

I had a dream about you. We were on a bench next to the ocean eating melted chocolate out the belly of a beached whale. I said, “Isn’t this romantic?” and you either silently burped or the stench of decomposition wafted up to my nose, but either way I got the sense that either of those scents couldn’t have been a more appropriate reply. 
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

Observation: I can't see a thing. Conclusion: Dinosaurs. ↗

— Carl Sagan

#sagan #skepticism #humor

Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels. ↗

— Candace C. Bowen

#humor-quotes #humorous-quotes #quotes #sarcastic-quotes #witty-quotes

The price of meat has just gone up and your old lady has just gone down. ↗

— Frank Zappa

#humor

Strangers make restless bedfellows, especially when bedbugs are your only acquaintances. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #loneliness #promiscuity #funny

I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so. ↗

— Victor Borge

#funny #humor #humorous #requests #victor