#sleeping

I had a dream about you. You glued a fake beard on a mannequin and had it running a monetary printing press nonstop, and you planned on creating dollar bills forever, or until you devalued it to the point where savings were destroyed, lives devastated, and you continued laughing all the way to the bank, which you owned.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you last night.. You pretended not to be a three hole punch. ↗

— Amy Summers

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We couldn't decide on a sunrise. You wanted a tan, I only cared about the view. Then World War III fulfilled both our desires. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

...When a man first awakens, it sometimes takes several moments before he starts thinking clearly." "And here I thought it took several years, perhaps a lifetime for the average man's intellect to kick in. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#gwen #humor #intellect #karen-marie-moning #kiss-of-the-highlander

I had a dream about you. You were an escalator, and I was a flight of stairs. You thought I was a Luddite, and I thought I was as ostrich, because I hadn’t figured out how to put the fly in flight. One day you broke down, and then you saw that you and I weren’t so different after all. 
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

The moon looked like melted mozzarella to my bleary and blurry vision. Was I tired, intoxicated, or in love? Or was I sober, asleep, and alone?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#asleep #blurry #cheese #drunk #intoxicated

I had a dream about you. You had no skin or muscle on your face, and to try to conceal your bare skull you liberally applied lipstick and makeup. Your birthday was coming up, and I knew you were probably sensitive about parties that emphasize the aging process, so I decided to box up your gift in a coffin and wrap it with black wrapping paper. I got you the best gift ever too—a hooker, who happened to be dead, because that enabled me to procure a sizeable discount.
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— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

My mother gets all mad at me if I stay in a hotel. I'm 31-years-old, and I don't want to sleep on a sleeping bag down in the basement. It's humiliating. ↗

— Ben Affleck

#bag #basement #down #gets #hotel

Even though disciplined sleeping habits and the adrenalin of live radio ensures that we are very awake while on duty, there is evidence of a phenomenon called circadian desynchronosis which causes one's brain to function slowly at those times of day when it thinks it should be asleep, regardless how wide awake the body is. ↗

— Evan Davis

#asleep #awake #body #brain #called

The season was waning fast Our nights were growing cold at last I took her to bed with silk and song, 'Lay still, my love, I won’t be long; I must prepare my body for passion.' 'O, your body you give, but all else you ration.' 'It is because of these dreams of a sylvan scene: A bleeding nymph to leave me serene... I have dreams of a trembling wench.' 'You have dreams,' she said, 'that cannot be quenched.' 'Our passion,' said I, 'should never be feared; As our longing for love can never be cured. Our want is our way and our way is our will, We have the love, my love, that no one can kill.' 'If night is your love, then in dreams you’ll fulfill... This love, our love, that no one can kill.' Yet want is my way, and my way is my will, Thus I killed my love with a sleeping pill. ↗

— Roman Payne

#cold #fear #killing #love #nocturne