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I just realized that I made a big mistake in life. I am female, 19 years old and I think I completely destroyed my whole future...
Couple of months before I graduated from high school, I met a guy in the café I worked at. She were chatting a bit, making small talk mostly, but I really liked the attention a stranger was giving me. I really liked looking at him, he was (still is) a very attractive guy although a bit older. He is 43, has no children and is divorced. I was 17 years old when we exchanged numbers.
I was not worried about his age. We started texting, he called me every night and we talked for hours about everything and anything. We started going out and I fell in love with him quite quickly. And so did he. Everything felt right. He was a real gentleman - corteous, generous and so so attractive.
So now, after my graduation, we are newly married. All of my friends and family told me not to commit to him and not to get married, but I did not listen to them. I was in love. So, I broke off contact to those people who tried to talk me out of it.
I wanted to go to university after high school, get a diploma, travel the world, live in my own apartment. But I moved out of my parents' house, right in with my husband.
Well, I kinda feel totally unprepared for this life as a wife and an adult. (I mean, a wife, at 19!!). I still feel like a child most of the time and I feel inexperienced. I think that is what my husband likes best about me.
Now that the honeymoon phase is over I realized that we have nothing in common. We are living different lives, we are from different times. We do not share any common interests. And he does not want me to go to university or start a job, as he said I should care for our home and be there for our future children. He's already planned having children in the next few years, without talking to me about it.
He is some big shot at the police force, so he earns a lot of money. That is not a problem.
And I can be myself when I am around him, 100 %. And I do love him, but he kind of treats me like a child sometimes.
My family does not want to hear about my concerns any longer, as they say they told me from the beginning. Now I am all alone, with no friends or any social contacts and I know I've driven myself into a corner.
I confess that I am here, bawling my eyes out, listening to sad music, realizing that I have no way out.
I confess I love my girlfriend more than anything but sometimes I think about leaving her. Not because I don't like her anymore but I'd like to see if she fights for me and what she would do to get me back.
She's the love of my life but I guess sometimes I am kind of unhappy, she doesn't try to make our relationship work, she lives like before the time we got together.
I came out of a long and dark period of my life, finally on the up and happy. About 7-8 months back i changed jobs to what i now wanna make my career, i also met an amazing person there. I would consider her a good friend who helped me thru some stuff and helped me think things thru differently. Shes everything i ever dreamed of in a woman, smart, funny, aggressive, and down to earth. Most of all she made me feel cared about and that i matter to someone. I thought she would feel the same since we both went thru similar horrors and horrible things and because we get along so well. A month ago i confessed i liked her and she rejected me without a hesitation. Im not upset about that or really hurt.. just bummed. I started to sit back and look at it differently. Shes a one sided friend who really is only concerned about herself and actually doesnt care what im going thru as long as im there to listen to her problems. I come home to a mom who destroyed my family, up to my head in debt, dont have any friends or social skills, and my only best friend decided to walk out of my life 2 months back. Theres more but why would i bore you, picture painted that im isolated from the world living a horrible life. I thought i was happy, i thought i finally got out from the sadness, finally found a friend who genuinely cared about me..
i feel like I don’t belong to this world, i dont think about killing myself but i do think about how much no one would miss me if i did just drop dead. That i would just be a passing thought once and never thought of or missed after. My depression has me gripped by the throat and im struggling
I’ve dealt with these feelings since i was 15(26 now), and i just wanna know what true happiness is, what true friendship is, what true love is. Im tired of being tired, abused, lied to, and taken advantage of
I pray everyday just to feel the happiness i felt when i thought i beat this depression
My son is 15 and almost at the end of puberty. It's not an easy time, but my wife and I have a good relationship to him. At first I refused to believe it, but my wife drew attention to some of his mannerism and stuff. She said she believed him to be gay. I really couldn't and still can't believe it. I always thought he would bring home a cute young girl some day. I think I wanted to relive my youth through him.My wife doesn't think much about it, she's happy as long as he's happy. But I just can't take it. I can't tell my friends and colleagues that my boy likes boys. I always thought I am very liberal towards such stuff; I know many lesbians and gay men, but my own child?!I wish I could handle this situation better, but I can't.
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