Elayne Boosler

I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#although #always #am #america #another

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#i #inside #just #person #trapped

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#divorced #i #married #me #never

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#ask #because #directions #even #forty

Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#direct #every #every night #go #go home

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers? ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#could #get #giving #great #money

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#down #little #man #never #see

A study last year showed that the page you turn to first in the newspaper can be a predictor of how long you will live. No surprise, turning first to the Comics Pages prolongs your life. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#first #how #last #last year #life