Janet Evanovich

When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie-plum #humor

Jesus, Morelli, you sound like you have PMS. You have to learn to lighten up a little. It's just a car alarm. You should be thanking me. I had it installed with my own money. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#money

Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#women #humor

He squinted at me. "What are you wearing? Is that some new form of birth control? ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#birth

My eyes rolled so far back in my head that I could see myself think ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

You deserved to get run over. And besides, I barely tapped you. The only reason you broke your leg was because you panicked and tripped over your own feet. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#money

I'd spent a night with Ranger a while ago, and I knew what happened when he was encouraged. Ranger knew how to make a woman want him. Ranger was magic. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#romance #encouragement

Everyone wants a Christmas tree. If you had a Christmas tree Santa would bring you stuff! Like hair curlers and slut shoes. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#diesel #humor #humor

Suppose I lay down on the pavement and you run over me a few times with my own car...just for old times. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#money

If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor