Janet Evanovich

I don't know if it's a good idea to give a woman a box of bullets when she's got a pimple. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco, ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#spanish

My mother drove back to the intersection. "Who are you dating?" "Don't ask," I said. I wasn't dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#dating

Cute? I think my testosterone level just dropped - Ranger ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#ranger #humor

Now that we know you're not a hundred percent vampire you should stop trying to suck necks," I said to Ziggy. "I'll try," Ziggy said, "but it's a hard habit to break. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephine-plum #vampire #funny

I don't need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here? ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#mystery #stephanie-plum #funny

Stephanie Plum, psycho bait. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

I disconnected and made a mental note not to call Tank unless I was bleeding profusely, and he was the only other person on earth. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: "She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humorous #humor

Life is about survival of the fittest, and Jersey is producing the master race. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor