Fred Allen

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match. ↗

— Fred Allen

#actor #boy #expectancy #fleeting #gas

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy. ↗

— Fred Allen

#front #frontal #full #i #lobotomy

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done. ↗

— Fred Allen

#decide #done #group #individually #meet

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary. ↗

— Fred Allen

#committee #group #unnecessary #unprepared #unwilling

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. ↗

— Fred Allen

#hollywood #iowa #mistake #other #people

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. ↗

— Fred Allen

#down #hand #him #his #holding

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. ↗

— Fred Allen

#good #hanging #makes #man #puns

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. ↗

— Fred Allen

#boston #find #i #just #only

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race. ↗

— Fred Allen

#could #fee #get #human #human race

A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. ↗

— Fred Allen

#decide #done #gathering #nothing #people