Fred Allen

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is. ↗

— Fred Allen

#faces #i #i always #names #remember

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. ↗

— Fred Allen

#dollars #easily #few #i #novel

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin. ↗

— Fred Allen

#coffin #fit #i #into #own

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement. ↗

— Fred Allen

#i #instrument #little #musical #musical instrument

Imitation is the sincerest form of television. ↗

— Fred Allen

#imitation #sincerest #sincerest form #television

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you. ↗

— Fred Allen

#estimation #hole #life #make #men

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. ↗

— Fred Allen

#crop #days #each #failure #first

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense. ↗

— Fred Allen

#any #children #except #father #hand

My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama. ↗

— Fred Allen

#planter #southern #uncle #undertaker

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making. ↗

— Fred Allen

#carbon #little #little men #making #mediocrity