Craig Ferguson

I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that. ↗

— Craig Ferguson

#self-censorship #censorship

Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah. ↗

— Craig Ferguson

#nobel-prize #obama #sacrilege #men

That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil. ↗

— Craig Ferguson

#credit #evil #money #money

I do a public access show with puppets. Puppets called actors, TV and movie stars. ↗

— Craig Ferguson

#actresses #puppets #talk-show-host #tv #movies

Its like a sort of internet Ren Fair. Its like Dungeons & Dragons but for cool people who have got friends. ↗

— Craig Ferguson

#popularity #twitter #twitter

My mother was tickled and I think kind of proud when my father got hit on my an attractive middle-aged Asian lady who hadn't noticed he was with his family. He was certainly pleased about it. ↗

— Craig Ferguson

#humor #marriage #age

I realize that I am not a journalist. So anything I say is not important. ↗

— Craig Ferguson

#journalist

Tomorrow is your future's yesterday. ↗

— Craig Ferguson

#inspirational

It turns out that speeding irresponsibly in a large truck, placing personal wealth ahead of the welfare of others, is one of the greatest sins in the Universe.... ↗

— Craig Ferguson

#reckless-driving #rules-of-the-universe #speeding #death

I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy 'cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he's very clever. He said, 'You must free yourself, be more of who you are. Be more crazy.' And I'm going to. ↗

— Craig Ferguson

#clever #crazy #desmond #free #going