David Letterman

Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard. ↗

— David Letterman

#changing #democratic #doing #elite #guard

It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said. ↗

— David Letterman

#enter #everybody #governor #least #official

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. ↗

— David Letterman

#cities #great #leads #make #move

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. ↗

— David Letterman

#apart #civilization #falls #new #new york

No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney. ↗

— David Letterman

#cheney #dick cheney #footage #him #keep

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger. ↗

— David Letterman

#bush #course #president #president bush #pronounce

President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either. ↗

— David Letterman

#approval #become #bush #does #either

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind? ↗

— David Letterman

#does #guy #hell #month #needs

The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral. ↗

— David Letterman

#big #confusing #dead #debate #funeral

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves. ↗

— David Letterman

#bush #george #george w #giving #house