P. J. O'Rourke

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. ↗

— P. J. O'Rourke

#champagne #enjoy #having #host #over

America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased. ↗

— P. J. O'Rourke

#anything #better #could #damned #founded

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective. ↗

— P. J. O'Rourke

#carefully #child #children #concept #death

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. ↗

— P. J. O'Rourke

#drunk #drunkenness #eve #get #holiday

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. ↗

— P. J. O'Rourke

#because #difficult #discipline #may #parents

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college. ↗

— P. J. O'Rourke

#sent #seriousness #stupidity

Never fight an inanimate object. ↗

— P. J. O'Rourke

#fight #inanimate #never #object

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. ↗

— P. J. O'Rourke

#bought #buying #controlled #first #first things

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. ↗

— P. J. O'Rourke

#came #children #going #growing #growing up

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. ↗

— P. J. O'Rourke

#chief #convertible #devices #increase #mechanical