Steven Wright

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. ↗

— Steven Wright

#claus #got #missing #moved #now

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there. ↗

— Steven Wright

#dead #dead end #end #got #how

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it. ↗

— Steven Wright

#collection #i #keep #largest #perhaps

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? ↗

— Steven Wright

#how #know #misspelled #were #word

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? ↗

— Steven Wright

#george #george washington #id #just #out

I like to reminisce with people I don't know. ↗

— Steven Wright

#know #like #people #reminisce

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. ↗

— Steven Wright

#clown #died #friend #friends #funeral

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. ↗

— Steven Wright

#cholesterol #drive #fast #i #too

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' ↗

— Steven Wright

#asked #did #few #girlfriend #good

What a nice night for an evening. ↗

— Steven Wright

#nice #night