George Carlin

The symphony orchestra had played poorly, so the conductor was in a bad mood. That night he beat his wife--because the music hadn't been beautiful enough. ↗

— George Carlin

#beauty

Whatever happened to “In victory, magnanimity; in defeat, defiance.” So said Frederick the Great. ↗

— George Carlin

#inspirational #inspirational

In some company it’s perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick. ↗

— George Carlin

#life #life

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. ↗

— George Carlin

#tequila #three #two

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established. ↗

— George Carlin

#been #dust #established #example #fact

When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day? ↗

— George Carlin

#always #day #got #haven #how

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work. ↗

— George Carlin

#anything #haven #i #i think #maybe

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. ↗

— George Carlin

#executions #fewer #good #know #part

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. ↗

— George Carlin

#always #comic #comic strips #first #left

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. ↗

— George Carlin

#death #long #long period #over #period