George Carlin

Twat is twat and that is that. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff. ↗

— George Carlin

#economics-philosophy #humor #politics #humor

I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #humor

I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? ↗

— George Carlin

#funny-but-true #humor #death

I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up. ↗

— George Carlin

#funny #humor #funny

The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #humor

The mai tai got its name when two Polynesian alcoholics got in a fight over some neckwear. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other's picture. ↗

— George Carlin

#art