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I was diagnosed with depression 4 years ago , I was so confused but everything started to make sense. I was introduced to self harm and she became my bestfriend, i cut myself so much I have lots of scars they are very noticeable. I abused a lot of drugs for example meth , weed , & pills I also drank a lot of alcohol to escape the pain I feel everyday, I'm miserable so very miserable, my anxiety has gotten very bad that I stay in my room at all times . I hate going out and as sad it sounds I just prefer to be dead . Please save me
For years now I've engaged in masturbation sessions while talking to phone helpline counsellors about fictitious issues that have a sexual undertone but never directly relate to sex. Having my mind taken off the fact that I'm playing with my cock enables me to edge for hours and with the addition of aphrodisiacs in the form of recreational stimulant drugs it can be mind blowingly intense and orgasmic for a prolonged period. I make sure I have ample time and set the mood so I can totally relax and get into my story of anxiety and guilt over my varied self destructive behaviours with my unsuspecting phone counsellor/sex operator. The more concerned and sympathetic they are the more arousing it is. They use terms like " I imagine it's very hard " or " you sound like you need to take control " and then, " what do you think you could do to relax and take your mind of it, is there an activity you used to do that made you feel good that you haven't done for a while ???, what about something as simple as taking a warm relaxing bath ???. Oh fuck yeah, sometimes I'll go all the way and take the chance by replying that a warm bath sounds wonderful, and that I'm a bit embarrassed to say but I used to use masturbation to help feel better but I'd lost interest in that. Most will respond positively and reassure you that you can talk about anything without them judging you. One even suggested masturbation as a stress relief mechanism and that if I was having trouble with the desire to self medicate with self pleasure try using internet porn as a way of sparking arousal. " really, I have seen the odd movie years ago but I guess I could have a look online, is there like, full sex and like a movie I saw once with two girls and a guy ? I ask. There anything you can think of, I'm not an expert she says but there's everything and anything people might do or enjoy sexually, really, I'd be happy if I could even find a video of a nice girl masturbating too I say, oh there's plenty of that she says as I blow all over myself trying not to moan out loud into the phone. It's terrible I know, using the wonderful souls that volunteer their time to help others but the soothing sound of a sweet caring female voice is such a turn on.......... and it's free. I get racked with guilt and shame afterwards but I do it again when I feel the need, it's like an addiction and adds another horny dimension to my portfolio of secret sexual behaviours.
I like to get super high and have rough sex. Nothing feels better to me than getting used while stoned.
So I... had an affair with this guy some three years ago. Ugly as fuck, to be honest. Ok I mean, just really unattractive. Our relationship was essentially based on weed. Not that I didn't buy my own. But I would always use with him, just to have someone to smoke with, since I get really anxious when I do. I would smoke loads back then. Then I stopped buying it. 'cause I wanted to stop. But I kept visiting this man's house. We wouldn't have sex anymore, I was having sex with another guy, a friend of his actually. This other guy was kind of nice and really cares about me but I cut him out of my life 'cause he won't have sex with me anymore 'cause he thinks I'm desperate. Which I kind of am. My life is so dull 'cause I have no plans, no projects, no motivation. Aside from weed, I smoke cigarettes and drink, I don't drink too much but yeah, I'm kind of the addictive type you know. Most of all I was addicted, I still am, to these two men. And I'm also anorexic/bulimic, not too thin lately, and I've managed to stop the binging and purging, I'm making progress you know, but still no future, no education... I used to be in university. I was studying philosophy. I was the brightest student in my year, but I was always on drugs and when I started sleeping with these guys I pretty much gave up on everything else. I tried to launch a music career, so to speak. I mean, as I was hurting like a goddamn dog I started composing sad tunes on my guitar. I've been in therapy all my teen and adult life, I'm 23, it's been more than ten years, with different therapists. Maybe I'm gay, maybe I'm bisexual, maybe I'm a random nymphomaniac, narcissistic, shizotypical, borderline fucked up mess with daddy issues and a self-centred attitude and paranoia and bipolar depression and no friends, virtually zero people I trust. I have no idea what I am, it's not like I've been abused and furthermore I got tested and they say I have nothing, I'm just kind of above average intelligence-wise and particularly sensitive, that's what they say. I taught myself how to play piano in ten days and I can do some pretty impressive stuff and bla bla bla yeah I'm showing off. But really I'm just so sad. I dropped out of uni, anyhow. Oh, I said that already didn't I. And I masturbate almost daily but with a sense of disgust even. I don't enjoy any kind of porn anymore, and I don't even enjoy actual sex, I mean, I had a couple of really good fucks with these two guys but yeah who cares. And what kills me is I've been so in love with the second guy but I fucked up because I'm fucked up and now he's gone but it's been three years and I was his first girl so it was bound to happen wasn't it. Why shouldn't he want to be with someone normal who doesn't hit him when he doesn't want to have sex, someone who is not so whiny as I am, so bitter and self-centred and FUCK I wish I could turn back time or I just wish he could DIE sometimes I really do everything except move on with his life leaving me here in my ugly stinky rut. I'm so depressed I've gotten used to it but sometimes I get these glimpses of lucidity and they really hurt.
#life #sex #drugs #weed #future #depression #addiction #issues
I am a 32 year old blue collar family man, but I am personally responsible for the murder of three people. The first is known and is public record. The second and third occurred during my five-year stint in a drug trafficking ring. They were both friends of mine, but addicted to methamphetamine. Their addictions caused my kingpin to lose a large amount of money. I gave them both poisoned meth, which they injected. I later went to jail for my part in the trafficking ring, but my two friends were never found.
I like mixing drugs and sex. I love to snort cocaine off a naked girls body while my husband rails me from behind. And sex on ecstasy is out of this world. It makes our orgies so much better. Sometimes I even smoke a bong when it's just me and my husband. I also do lines of coke occasionally. I don't think I'm addicted or anything. It's not like I do it every day, or even every week. But it's nice just to let loose and have fun sometimes.
I’m DEADPOOL. That’s right, I’m the real Deadpool. No I’m not crazy. I’ll leave a secret code that only those who really know me could figure it out. WMHRSNSCARDCESCAECKAGCFLFWAHACLJ. Only the few who really know me could decipher that.
I started making up characters as a kid. Deadpool started in the 70’s. That’s right. Your getting the real origin of Deadpool.
I had some old comics. In one of them the Shadow fought a Ninja dressed in Red on a sub. My favorites were Cap & the Avengers, & Batman. But I liked this red ninja. So I made me as a super hero named “Red Ninja” when I was really little. In time the character got a much better name.
Over time he got cooler names. I won’t tell you his real name. My real character he became in my 20’s is very similar to Deadpool. I like mine better.
When I nearly died recently I destroyed all my 1,000’s of characters & their back stories. Old drawings. I’d hoped to one day draw my own comics, or let my children. But I’m near death so it’s not going to happen. No one wanted them. So I shredded them. I had to move into a tiny place. I had some way cool stuff though.
Starting in the early to mid 80’s I sent some of my worst characters & some ideas to Marvel Comics. I was going to use the good ones for my own comics. I’m pretty sure I saw one of my characters vaguely in a comic. Very vaguely. Either way I got some No Prizes. Empty envelops. The first one I wrote & said I didn’t get a prize. The prize was no prize, an empty envelope. You just give them ideas for characters; stories. But it becomes their property. You give it away.
Well; somewhere around 1990 or so; while in college, I decided to send Marvel one of my mediocre characters. I kept the best to myself. I was offered an art scholarship, but pursued other stuff.
Please realize I “gave” them the character. Just a rough idea. I did not give them my real character. I honestly don’t even remember what all I wrote in the letter.
In no way am I claiming anything beyond a rough idea. They apparently took a vague idea & made something cool out of it. So the character is completely theirs. I merely gave them a seed to plant & grow. Im not even certain they used my idea. The visual; mannerisms, & name make me convinced they did. Either way; I gave it away for fun, so who cares.
Around this time I was still collecting comics; but I stopped. That’s why I mailed this to them. My life was fixing to change dramatically. No more time for childish things. No more collecting comics. So since I doubted I’d ever pursue my comic ideas; I gave Deadpool (not my characters real name) away as a joke. I wanted to see if “I” could live on in the comic books, in case I died on a battle field. I loved Marvel. If they thought him/me worthy of being a super hero/villain, then it would mean my much better characters would be cool if I ever made my own comics. I had 100’s better than Deadpool.
Well I forgot all about it. No more kids stuff for me. My kids got into all the super hero stuff many years later. One day my daughter said dad. You have got to watch this movie called “Deadpool”. He’s just like you. I scratched my head. Realize my character has a different name. But I’m pretty sure I called the alternate less fleshed out version of red ninja; the bad “punisher” like pretend version of me, “Deadpool”. The one I mailed Marvel.
She said he’s just like you. The guy who plays him looks a lot like you (not really. But I am attractive. And I married a beautiful woman). He talks endless trash. Is always trying to be funny. Uses two swords and guns at once. Wears a red ninja outfit. Never shuts up. Cusses. Can do all that ninja gymnastics stuff like you. He’s you. Huh? That did sound like me.
So I watched the movie; remembered sending the idea to Marvel, & laughed my butt off. She asked what was funny. I said that is me. That’s really me as a super hero. I mailed that idea to Marvel before I married your mom way back in college. I didn’t know they made it into a super hero. Of course she didn’t believe me.
Now let’s be clear. I’m not taking credit for the character or anything. I can’t even remember what I mailed them. I had been drawing characters since age 7 or so. Red Ninja had been me since the 70’s.
I was finally giving up buying & collecting comics. No more drawing & expanding characters. I was putting all of that away & growing up. Time to leave college & start life. I never thought of that stuff again till she made me watch the movie. She was right though; that was me, especially back in the late 80’s & early 90’s.
I won’t bore you with the whole story & details. Nor can I remember what all I actually even mailed them. But either way; I gave it to them. Looks like they used it. I was hoping someone would turn it into a character. That if I died I’d still be alive in a sense as a super hero. Just a private joke. So in my mind anyways; I pulled one on Marvel, got them to turn me into a super hero of sorts.
So since I have no clue what I mailed them I’ll show why my daughter saw the similarities. She had seen me training with two swords at once. And two knives. She’d seen me throw weapons & shoot guns with both hands. I’m an expert marksman with near any weapon, with both hands.
I do know martial arts. I have easily beaten multiple black belts with my mixed fighting style in training. I have extremely fast reflexes. Makes me really hard to fight. When I sent it in I had finally managed to slim my muscular body down from 275 lbs to under 250. To para jump or slide down ropes out of copters you must weigh under 250. I was so lean and low fat I had cuts & veins everywhere. I thought Deadpool having healing powers like Wolverine would be great. Instead of claws he’d use two swords & pistols like me. He’d have my agility; athletic ability; super strength (I was a power lifter). Only magnified for comics of course. I’m the lame real life version.
I was very conceited about my appearance & abilities. I talked endless trash. Cussed none stop. I never shut up. I still have a constant smile. I try to be funny and constantly try to make people smile & laugh. A crowd once watched me fight several men. They say I was turning flips. Doing crazy moves. Like Deadpool. And the whole time I was telling jokes and talking trash. That’s true. Like Deadpool.
I used to run track. I could nearly touch the top of a basketball backboard. Great at long jumping.
I was being trained by an ex special forces relative & was intending to join the military soon, which is why I mailed off the idea for Deadpool to Marvel. Letting go of my childish ways. Would be no more time for that. After I mailed it off o bought no more comics. Drew no more characters. I was done.
I had a relative of sorts who used to work with me some. He was impressed by my marksmanship. He had been a soldier & then soldier for hire. Mercenary. I was a great marksman so he thought I should try that after the military.
Well in high school & college I found myself living in this high crime gang controlled inner city. At night it was a war zone. Cops were afraid to come in there at night. So if you got caught up in something you were on your on. Like the fight I just talked about.
Starting as a little kid I used to fight to protect others. I slowly learned to mostly be quiet & passive in school. Until I moved into the gang area. Sometimes I’d fight to protect others. But not in front of teachers. At school I had fought to protect any weak loner. I don’t care what color you are. Religion. Gay. I would protect anyone. In my eyes we are all the same.
Well; those of you who work & goto school full time know, your rarely home. At night I’d wake up to gang activity. Screaming. Gun fire. Fights. People buying & selling drugs. Drug dealers are the root problem in these neighborhoods.
I’ve fought and been chased by gangs in high school. Been shot at just for walking home. Kids on those streets know what I’m talking about. I learned to mind my own business. But a few times I had to go out into the dark night. Batman.
Ninja movies were getting popular. I always trained with two knives & pistols at this time. So now I added two ninja swords.
So around the time I sent this to Marvel I’d snuck out at night & stopped a few crimes when I heard screaming. Usually only for a woman or child. Not dressed as a ninja. I’m the real guy.
I’ll give one example. I heard a woman yelling for help. I went running out. A very large man was trying to attack her with an ax handle. Trying to break thru her window. She was protecting her child. So I fought & disarmed him. Made him run away. Then I had to talk to the cops. Witnesses confirmed my story & I got off. People would watch. But not interfere. I’m lucky people liked me enough to speak up for me a couple of times. Had it been gangs they probably would not have. No one calls the cops on drug dealing gangs. They will do drive byes & stuff. Unlike Deadpool, I can’t magically heal.
I only did these things a few times. Real life isn’t a movie. But my friends had saw me in action. My wife had told my kids those stories & about the time she watched me fight & save another woman. And of course talk to the cops yet again.
In real life once you save the day; you then get to talk to cops; teachers, bosses. You get kicked out of school; paddled; almost arrested; fired. Real life isn’t a movie.
So Deadpool wasn’t really me. He was like an alter me. A bad version of me. He would go off into the military for special forces like I was planning. Be a Merc like I was contemplating. But he’d be half nuts. He’d decide to take out drug dealers and criminals to stop crime at the source. You know that voice in your head that you ignore. Hey go do this. You know better from listening to that voice as a kid. Don’t listen to that crazy voice.
That is the real problem in these neighborhoods. Drugs fuel the gangs. Addiction destroys people. Gangs strike fear in neighborhoods. Everyone is afraid to call or speak to cops. Cops are afraid to come there at night. They arrive way too late & in large numbers. By the time they do it’s usually too late.
So the goofy one in the movies does act a lot like me. Obvi I’m no nutt super hero. I’m the real guy. I based the character off me. I like what they did with it. Totally different from me. As I said; I mailed in a very vague idea. They appear to have developed it into something cool. But I can’t take credit for any of that. But the behavior & general description are so much like me that my daughter realized it when she watched the movie. They’ve all seen me get right up in the face of would be tough guys and talk trash; joke, & cuss just like Deadpool. They’ve seen me lift up very heavy weight. Shoot two pistols at once. Train with two swords. On & on. I have that endless grin on my face. Im the real Deadpool.
So where did the name Deadpool come from? As a child I was an amazing marksman. I never missed. Some vets nicknamed me Eagle eye & Deadeye. I liked Clint Eastwood. So I called the bad; drug dealer pretend version of me Deadpool. Pretty sure I sent that name in with the idea. But it’s not important.
There was a real Hollywood game. People tried to predict who would die. Then bet money (a pool). So this Deadpool version of me would instead pick which deadly criminals should die. He’d take their drug dealing money. That would be his income. His “pool” of money. Plus; Eastwood had a movie out around that time, “the Deadpool”. I think I was watching it on VHS when I wrote the letter.
Clint Eastwood played a vigilante in Dirty Harry movies. I preferred the spaghetti westerns.
So since I don’t think I’ll be alive much longer I thought I’d secretly confess that I’m convinced I’m the basis for Deadpool. I don’t care if anyone believes me. I did specifically tell them they could have the idea. I did ask them to turn it into a character for Marvel comics. I didn’t send them the real character. He was much more complex and pure. Instead I sent them something I thought people would want to watch & read. This was in the rap anti establishment days. No one liked Cap anymore. I’m a whole lot more like Cap. But no kidding. As I type this there are ninja swords hanging above my bed. There are two pistols on a nightstand by two knives. As I said; Im the real Deadpool. Well; sort of.
What do I look like? Well I’m very sick now. But I’m very lean. Weigh about 255. Very muscular. I was born with blond hair & blue eyes. People say I’m attractive. And I act “a lot” like the character in the movie still to this day. That’s why when my kids first saw the first Deadpool movie they ran in there saying dad, your in a movie, you’ve got to come see this. And yes; I am really that cocky. I’m convinced no one can beat me. I did learn to shut up at times. But I talk endless crap. I crack endless jokes. I never shut up. I have a crap eating grin non stop. I did not go into the special forces for a very good reason. Nor did I become a mercenary. I’m afraid the real me isn’t overly impressive.
I am no kidding wearing a shirt that’s blue with stars on the top. Alternating red and white vertical stripes on the bottom. I just realized that when I looked down. My kids had them made for me I guess. They look like one offs.
OK kids of mine. There it is. Let’s see if you can figure out my code. No one else ever will. I’ll give one of you a clue. See if you can surf the web and find this. Decipher the code. Prove I wrote it. You asked me to tell someone I invented Deadpool. That would be wrong. You can’t give something away. Ask someone to make something of it. Then try to take credit. So here it is. No name or proof. But my admission. One more joke. If you find this and read this have a good life. Now you know where I got the idea. From an old The Shadow comic I owned. Why did I like the red ninja? He was better than the shadow. That’s why when I sent the character to Marvel. Instead of sending them the real character that red ninja became; which I will not reveal here, I gave them a meaner version. A “Punisher” like version. A soldier for hire who didn’t just cross the line; he became a criminal of sorts. Much like Wolverine was in a comic or two. Dark. The opposite of me. Like alternate Superman.
I am very proud of you that you saw me in the way Deadpool acted. You even pointed out how I used to pull your legs & claim I could block bullets with my swords. That’s obvi a lie. But I’m still pretty good for a real person.
#deadpool #red #ninja #fun #laugh #funny #laughter #comic #comics #book #admission #riddle #code #drug #drugs #gang #fight #athlete #athletic #merc #mercenary #mouth #trashtalking #cuss #cussing #gymnast #agile #agility #gymnastics
I once went to a party with two girls and when i got there. The room was filled with loud music and Marijuana smoke. I smoke in the bathroom and got high as fuck. I was already drunk before i arrived. I walked into the room and all the mens eyes were on me. I proceeded to give them all lap dances. I could feel these men becoming horny as i danced. I wasnt wearing any panties. So im sure the scent of my pussy made them even more excited. After about 30 minutes of lap dancing my friend walked with me to the bathroom she left out and 3 men came in with their dicks out and hard. I was so horny i let them fuck me. When they finished nutting in me. 3 more came in and busted there semen in me. I was so turned on. I could have gotten fucked all night. My pussy was sooooo wet. More men came in to use my nut infused cunt. I was having the time of my life. Then this one guy had a huge dick. It had to be 12 inches long and 3 inches wide. He looked like he was holding a snake. He came in pushed me down and slid his big thick dick into my hot wet cunt. He pumped into me and i came so hard. I wanted another round with him. But he was done with me. Then more and more men poured into the bathroom to shoot their loads in me. I later found out that one of the girls i came with was selling my pussy.
I began having sex at 15 with my first serious boyfriend. About three months later we broke up and other guy friends in school wanted to date me. Most of these relationships involved sex. I was boy crazy. Soon I started getting high and partying. Pot and alcohol got me hot and the boys took advantage of it. I got a reputation of being easy. By the time I was 20 I'd been with 19 guys. I was a tramp. I'm in my mid twenties now, don't drink or smoke anymore and have a boyfriend.
#premiscious #slut #drugs
I used to be the typical campus drug dealer for 8 years straight , the guy at university everybody knows to find to score weed and other things. I did it to pay for my studies and to save up a little and after I graduated, I rented an apartment and kept on dealing. Man.... I still miss that life.... I was hugely popular and everyday was like a party. I began at 19 years old and stopped at 27 because I got tired of "that world" and I also made two female friends a sub-dealer. They were 13 and 14 with a lot of other female friends who liked to smoke weed so it was a lucrative business. I called them Renato's angels. I learned them the tricks of the trade and they had respect everywhere and nobody messed with them as they could always rely on some friends who were my henchmen. My flat was always filled with girls who were insanely pretty and always high and yes I had sex with them too which was extremely illegal. Crazy drug fueled orgies with themes: a Roman theme night, a vampire theme night. I was the Hugh Hefner on dope. We never got busted and I even made them earn a lot of money which they saved up to go to dancing school. I'm still friends with them and now I'm 38, a successful financial trader, still smoking weed, from time to time coke to stay sharp when trading is hard, growing weed but quit the molly, speed and LSD. They still have their nicknames to the horror of their boyfriends and when they are single, we are still friends with benefits as my job doesn't allow for a real relationship which sometimes sucks.
Many times I have thought about what it’s like to get high. Or be drugged. Or be drunk.
I can’t drink or take drugs. I have epilepsy and strong medication.
My wife and I make sex video and take lots of pictures. She thinks they're just for us but I post them all over the Internet. They have hundreds of thousands of views. Sometimes when we're making them and having some drinks I'll slip her a couple ambien so she won't remember me putting her on live cam as my slut for pay.
Yesterday, I was home alone, I decided to bake muffins. The problem was that I didn't have appropriate spices, so I said to myself 'Why not?' and took pot instead. My family loved it.
Yesterday was the best evening of my life! All of my family members talked to each other. First, they fought and shouted at each other, a few minutes later they were laughing and dancing and singing. It was just great. I don't regret anything.
I accidentally got my high school girlfriend pregnant.
She was 15 and I was 16. We were both into the drug culture of our high school and were very commonly having unprotected sex.
I have been an uncle since the age of 3 and have had a job since I was 14. I wasn't affraid of having a child. My mother was angry, but supportive. At 16, I was ready to become a dad.
The day had come when my girlfriend would have our baby girl. I was very excited. Her parents and the rest of family blocked me from the hospital. I was told our child didn't make it.
Jump ahead 35 years and I find out through an anonymous letter. My daughter is a live and well. She is living on Long Island. She thinks I am the one that is dead.
Now I have now decide whether to tell her I am alive or make believe she doesn't exist.
I've been on meth for years. I have a job so I can have money to buy meth. And being high motivates me to do my job so I can get paid and get high.
Just before my 45th birthday, a rather pretty little teenage goth schoolgirl I knew slightly who was just over 16 came in to my shop, as she was paying for her things she said "What do you want for your birthday old man?", laughingly I replied "You". She replied quite seriously "Done. See you next week" and left.
I though nothing more of it until the actual day when she arrived in the shop and asked "still on for tonight? 9pm OK. I nodded, she smiled and left. I couldn't believe my luck, so as a treat I contacted a man I knew and ordered £100 of cocaine & a viagra tablet.
At 9pm she arrived, in jeans, ankle boots and a baggy t shirt covering her 38D teenage tits, after only a couple of drinks she had stripped down to just boots & black stockings.
In the end, I sniffed coke off her tits and arse, rubbed it into her teenage clit and we fucked for ten hours straight, so hard she passed out and even though I knew she was unconscious I fucked her harder still. I tied her up, forced her to come over and over with a Hitachi, she squirted everywhere, by the time we had finished her body was covered in sweat, her own juices and my cum which was in her hair and eyes. She looked exactly like she acted, a dirty little schoolgirl clock hungry slut
It took her a week to recover. Best fuck I've ever had had
I blew the whistle on my former drug dealer cause I wanted to get clean somehow and I didn't know what to do. So now he has to go to prison and A LOT of people are mad cause he was the only one around to sell drugs. Thank god, no one knows that I told the police about him!
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