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I blew the whistle on my former drug dealer cause I wanted to get clean somehow and I didn't know what to do. So now he has to go to prison and A LOT of people are mad cause he was the only one around to sell drugs. Thank god, no one knows that I told the police about him!
I'll skip classes tomorrow because I wanna go to a big party tonight.
A lot of beer, drugs and stuff. It's gonna be GREAT!
Me and some other dudes of mine should give a speech in our philosophy class tomorrow but I'm not going. Should they do that.. :-)
Many times I have thought about what it’s like to get high. Or be drugged. Or be drunk.
I can’t drink or take drugs. I have epilepsy and strong medication.
Meth is like a song to me. Like a song you hear on the radio once in awhile but you turn the volume up when it plays. I haven’t done it in awhile, but I’m having cravings for meth and coke. I’m 15 and my friends know about me smoking weed, but they don’t know that I’d do anything to snort a line right now.
I've been using meth on and off for maybe 3 years now. The first time I did it I just know I liked the way it made me feel but I didn't think anything beyond that good high feeling, I was 14 by the way. Now since I've been smoking it I've noticed that it makes me really horny. My wife and I were doing it together in the beginning and it would make us really horny and would have wild sex, and role plays. We would role play about things that we know we wouldn't do or even think of on a regular basis. But when we were high we would just let our wild minds wonder.
Well now she has stopped completely. She don't know I still do it once in a while and its really hard to not be obvious so I have to hide it by drinking some beer so I can blame my slurring on the beer haha. But what I miss the most is the crazy sex and wild talks when we would smoke.
Here's my confession: I have a good friend that him and his girlfriend smoke it, and they're pretty much the one's I get it from. Well one day I get text from his gf and she tells me to email her to an email address she gave me, not telling me what for. I thought it was weird but I still emailed her. So she replies back telling me that she's very lit and starts complaining about my her bf that he's always on his phone and doesn't enjoy the high with her. So I ask her what is it that she wants to do to enjoy it, and then she tells me that she was sorry for what she's about to say but that this is the only time she has the courage to say it (when she's high) so she tells me that she's feeling really horny and that all she can think off is doing something sexual with anyone. By then I knew where this was going so I started telling her that I knew how she felt because I feel the same way and all that.
So we started talking about sex. We would ask each other dirty questions. We also started sharing fantasies and that night we both ended up feeling horny for each other. So ever since that day every time she's horny she emails me pictures or tells me how bad she wants me. I honestly enjoy our convos. We haven't had sex yet but there was 3 times where she dropped off some goods at my place and I would get her to give me blow jobs, and she would let me finger her.
So my conclusion is that now I have someone to share my horniness with when high.
I have been snorting meth close to 5 years now, more recently ive increased my intake, think i want to end my useless life i can't any longer. Lost so much in the past 2 years. Beginning of the month I was constructively fired. What next? Think I'd settle for a coffin thank you. Tuned 33 yesterday and i don't want to see or go through any more of this.
Well my brother ended up in jail and I been hanging out his wife already played with her tits she’s touched my dick we spun as fuck I’m bout to fuck her and don’t feel bad bout it because she gets treated like shit.
Twice a month I shoot meth with my older sister and week fuck for 2 days in a hotel. It's the best sex I have ever had.
So I... had an affair with this guy some three years ago. Ugly as fuck, to be honest. Ok I mean, just really unattractive. Our relationship was essentially based on weed. Not that I didn't buy my own. But I would always use with him, just to have someone to smoke with, since I get really anxious when I do. I would smoke loads back then. Then I stopped buying it. 'cause I wanted to stop. But I kept visiting this man's house. We wouldn't have sex anymore, I was having sex with another guy, a friend of his actually. This other guy was kind of nice and really cares about me but I cut him out of my life 'cause he won't have sex with me anymore 'cause he thinks I'm desperate. Which I kind of am. My life is so dull 'cause I have no plans, no projects, no motivation. Aside from weed, I smoke cigarettes and drink, I don't drink too much but yeah, I'm kind of the addictive type you know. Most of all I was addicted, I still am, to these two men. And I'm also anorexic/bulimic, not too thin lately, and I've managed to stop the binging and purging, I'm making progress you know, but still no future, no education... I used to be in university. I was studying philosophy. I was the brightest student in my year, but I was always on drugs and when I started sleeping with these guys I pretty much gave up on everything else. I tried to launch a music career, so to speak. I mean, as I was hurting like a goddamn dog I started composing sad tunes on my guitar. I've been in therapy all my teen and adult life, I'm 23, it's been more than ten years, with different therapists. Maybe I'm gay, maybe I'm bisexual, maybe I'm a random nymphomaniac, narcissistic, shizotypical, borderline fucked up mess with daddy issues and a self-centred attitude and paranoia and bipolar depression and no friends, virtually zero people I trust. I have no idea what I am, it's not like I've been abused and furthermore I got tested and they say I have nothing, I'm just kind of above average intelligence-wise and particularly sensitive, that's what they say. I taught myself how to play piano in ten days and I can do some pretty impressive stuff and bla bla bla yeah I'm showing off. But really I'm just so sad. I dropped out of uni, anyhow. Oh, I said that already didn't I. And I masturbate almost daily but with a sense of disgust even. I don't enjoy any kind of porn anymore, and I don't even enjoy actual sex, I mean, I had a couple of really good fucks with these two guys but yeah who cares. And what kills me is I've been so in love with the second guy but I fucked up because I'm fucked up and now he's gone but it's been three years and I was his first girl so it was bound to happen wasn't it. Why shouldn't he want to be with someone normal who doesn't hit him when he doesn't want to have sex, someone who is not so whiny as I am, so bitter and self-centred and FUCK I wish I could turn back time or I just wish he could DIE sometimes I really do everything except move on with his life leaving me here in my ugly stinky rut. I'm so depressed I've gotten used to it but sometimes I get these glimpses of lucidity and they really hurt.
#life #sex #drugs #weed #future #depression #addiction #issues
As a kid I watched someone use drugs. They’d hallucinate. I said not me. When you see a person go from normal to screaming. Running from things not there. Hurting themselves and others. Not me.
Then I almost died. You wanna live? Take these meds. The meds led to new problems. New meds.
Then the meds caused PTSD. That led to more meds.
Well. One med made me hallucinate. I tried to escape I’m told. Can’t remember.
I do remember one med made me paranoid. This was compounded by a bad childhood and a real danger in our life. My wife tried to convince me the real danger was not real. But it was strange. It’s like when the TV preacher; radio DJ; newscaster. Well.
You now how in a movie they don’t look into the camera? That breaks the illusion your watching something real. You now realize the actor is looking at the audience. Hey. I’m an actor.
Well. On this med my mind would say. Did they just look at me? I didn’t run off screaming. I knew they really weren’t. I just felt like they were.
Off and on I’ve been thru stuff like that. Take this med. I don’t want to. But I never tell them about the side effect.
But I beat it. When I wasn’t on such meds. I called some shows. Heard myself. Had others do it. Heard them. See now they really were to me and others. One liked me so much I met them. Took pics. Me and others. They remember. Got the pics. So it’s real.
Well they’ve had me on said meds again. Can’t sleep. Paranoia. But I beat it. I called some shows. Broke the spell. I went thru. Heard me talking to me. Delayed of course.
Oh. I’m still feeling that itch; nervous; hot cold; sick to stomach; shaky; nervous stuff. I hate these meds. But I now know it’s paranoia. I altered the show. Made them talk to me. Heard it delayed.
Then I did the greatest thing you can do to paranoia. I hung up. Changed channels. Put on a movie. Said I don’t care who thinks what about me. I’m a good person. They can laugh at me. But I can laugh at them too. F them. It’s nothing personal. I just have to live within what meds are doing to me.
So it’s fading. Losing its hold on me. I’ll wait a week or two. Then slowly listen again. If it’s just a show I’ll stay. If not two more weeks.
I may have to take these meds to stay alive longer. But I don’t have to let the side effects control my life.
I want to start doing drugs again. But all my old suppliers are either dead or in jail or got clean. I miss the feeling of being in la la land.
I do not want to get into much detail. I really need to be careful because I think that some people might recognize my confession if they stumble upon it. So, to keep things short... I stole my best friend's car and sold it for meth. I stole my mother's wedding ring to get more drugs.I used my little brother to steal things from a store so I could sell it.Those are just some of the things I did to get high. I am now 5 days clean and sober and I regret terrible what I've done. I am going through hell right now and I deserve it.
#addiction #addict #drugs #meth #alcohol #stealing #confession #hell #torture
I accidentally got my high school girlfriend pregnant.
She was 15 and I was 16. We were both into the drug culture of our high school and were very commonly having unprotected sex.
I have been an uncle since the age of 3 and have had a job since I was 14. I wasn't affraid of having a child. My mother was angry, but supportive. At 16, I was ready to become a dad.
The day had come when my girlfriend would have our baby girl. I was very excited. Her parents and the rest of family blocked me from the hospital. I was told our child didn't make it.
Jump ahead 35 years and I find out through an anonymous letter. My daughter is a live and well. She is living on Long Island. She thinks I am the one that is dead.
Now I have now decide whether to tell her I am alive or make believe she doesn't exist.
I used to be the typical campus drug dealer for 8 years straight , the guy at university everybody knows to find to score weed and other things. I did it to pay for my studies and to save up a little and after I graduated, I rented an apartment and kept on dealing. Man.... I still miss that life.... I was hugely popular and everyday was like a party. I began at 19 years old and stopped at 27 because I got tired of "that world" and I also made two female friends a sub-dealer. They were 13 and 14 with a lot of other female friends who liked to smoke weed so it was a lucrative business. I called them Renato's angels. I learned them the tricks of the trade and they had respect everywhere and nobody messed with them as they could always rely on some friends who were my henchmen. My flat was always filled with girls who were insanely pretty and always high and yes I had sex with them too which was extremely illegal. Crazy drug fueled orgies with themes: a Roman theme night, a vampire theme night. I was the Hugh Hefner on dope. We never got busted and I even made them earn a lot of money which they saved up to go to dancing school. I'm still friends with them and now I'm 38, a successful financial trader, still smoking weed, from time to time coke to stay sharp when trading is hard, growing weed but quit the molly, speed and LSD. They still have their nicknames to the horror of their boyfriends and when they are single, we are still friends with benefits as my job doesn't allow for a real relationship which sometimes sucks.
My gf told me about her married cousin letting her self be shared by her husband. I was really interested because her cousin is a beautiful women! I couldn’t believe she would do such a thing! She told me all the details ! Like how her husband took her out and let her pick up on a random guy to take home. She made it seem like she enjoyed it! It made me think she wanted to try it the way she told the story. When I asked her she denied any interest in it. My gf by the. Way is equally attractive. She’s got a very pretty face and a tight little body. Recently we had gone dancing and she was getting hit on by a few guys. I let her flirt as much as she wanted . That night she ended up giving a random guy a blowjob. I could tell she liked it. I took her back home and we talked about her getting fucked by someone else. Finally one night she got all dolled up and told me she was going out with her girls. She looked amazing more than usual! Around 2am she calls me to pick her up. When I get there she is holding hands with another guy! She pulls him into the car and introduced him to me. He was a very handsome man in his late 40’s. He didn’t know who I was and asked if I could drop them off at his house. I stayed quite and took him there. She was giggling and moaning the whole ride there. They jumped out and she thanked me . Asked if I could wait for her for about an hr. I saw her walk into this guys house and began to imagine what they were doing. I waited for about 3 hrs . She finally came out and got in the front . She looked nothing like she did when she left the house. She gave me a hug and thanked me for being so open with her. I didn’t know what to say! I had a million questions and no answers. When we got home she jumped straight in the shower . I laid in bed waiting for her to arrive . I asked her how was it? She giggled and said amazing! I asked her if she would do it again and before I could finish she shouted out yes! She told me how he she stripped for him and his guest . How they all loved how beautiful she was ! I asked her if she slept with more than one guy and she said yes! They took turns on her at first then got her to agree to fuck two at a time . I couldn’t believe it! She loved it! I later found out she had done meth with them and eventually became hooked. At first I enjoyed it then I hated her for it. We eventually broke up .
For years now I've engaged in masturbation sessions while talking to phone helpline counsellors about fictitious issues that have a sexual undertone but never directly relate to sex. Having my mind taken off the fact that I'm playing with my cock enables me to edge for hours and with the addition of aphrodisiacs in the form of recreational stimulant drugs it can be mind blowingly intense and orgasmic for a prolonged period. I make sure I have ample time and set the mood so I can totally relax and get into my story of anxiety and guilt over my varied self destructive behaviours with my unsuspecting phone counsellor/sex operator. The more concerned and sympathetic they are the more arousing it is. They use terms like " I imagine it's very hard " or " you sound like you need to take control " and then, " what do you think you could do to relax and take your mind of it, is there an activity you used to do that made you feel good that you haven't done for a while ???, what about something as simple as taking a warm relaxing bath ???. Oh fuck yeah, sometimes I'll go all the way and take the chance by replying that a warm bath sounds wonderful, and that I'm a bit embarrassed to say but I used to use masturbation to help feel better but I'd lost interest in that. Most will respond positively and reassure you that you can talk about anything without them judging you. One even suggested masturbation as a stress relief mechanism and that if I was having trouble with the desire to self medicate with self pleasure try using internet porn as a way of sparking arousal. " really, I have seen the odd movie years ago but I guess I could have a look online, is there like, full sex and like a movie I saw once with two girls and a guy ? I ask. There anything you can think of, I'm not an expert she says but there's everything and anything people might do or enjoy sexually, really, I'd be happy if I could even find a video of a nice girl masturbating too I say, oh there's plenty of that she says as I blow all over myself trying not to moan out loud into the phone. It's terrible I know, using the wonderful souls that volunteer their time to help others but the soothing sound of a sweet caring female voice is such a turn on.......... and it's free. I get racked with guilt and shame afterwards but I do it again when I feel the need, it's like an addiction and adds another horny dimension to my portfolio of secret sexual behaviours.
My wife and I make sex video and take lots of pictures. She thinks they're just for us but I post them all over the Internet. They have hundreds of thousands of views. Sometimes when we're making them and having some drinks I'll slip her a couple ambien so she won't remember me putting her on live cam as my slut for pay.
My brother is an abusive drug addict and alcoholic. I believe he is also mentally ill. I enable him to buy drugs because it’s the only time he acts like a normal person. Nobody knows what my life is really like.
I have lived my entire life in fear of black ppl. I was taught they are evil terrible mean ppl so I steered as far as possible from them. In school I wouldn't talk to them or even make eye contact with them. I was pertified at thier presence. I graduated high school got married not long after and had 4 boys and I taught them as I was taught to refrain from getting involved with black ppl at all cost. They took our advice as racist as it was and didn't socialize with no black person to date but my youngest son Daniel was the exception. He got into the rap and saggy pants and of course the drugs. It started with marijuana and now he's a full blown meth head. He quit school and did basically what he wanted to do and his dad had to do 2 years in the Middle-East and my son would get soo strung out he would do anything for money. We had to cut him off finiacially and he stayed gone for weeks then he would call in soo much debt with his dealer that we would bail him out to keep them from hurting him. We put him in rehabs until we had to declare bankruptcy. My husband risked his life for his country everyday over there and Daniel bankrupting us was a big slap is my husband's face. He was discouraged and blamed himself for not being home to deal with Daniel but the biggest hit was yet to come. I got a call from a man that tells me Daniel is in big trouble and he needs my help so I go find him just where the man told me he was and I bring him home with me. We were home maybe 20 to 30 minutes when the door bell rang and as I answered the door I was pushed backwards by a black guy who had 3 other black guys with him. He asked me where Daniel was? I told him he was getting a shower and he would be finished shortly but he wasn't waiting and he sent his 3 guys to pull him out of the shower and they threw him down in the living room floor wet and naked. I was embarrassed as a mother would be in the situation and grab a throw off the back of the sofa to Daniel and he covered himself. Daniel was out of it so I spoke up and said I take it Daniel owes you money,right. The leader says "hell yeah he owes me money and I want it,right now." I ask him how much does he owe you and he blew me away when he said $3,100.00. I did not have that kind of money. I only had $900.00 and most of that was bill money for utilities. I told him I didn't have that kind of money and he threatened to hurt Daniel right now. I begged him to please not hurt him that I would sell my car and everything I have to come up with the money. He asked me if I would sell myself and I was confused at the statement and responded with the only word I could think of at the time and that was "what! " He tells me he didn't studder. He rephrased the question and said, "would you give up that fine ass to spare your son's life" Still stunned by what I was hearing I hesitantly said "you know I would". He said good that's what we will do then,you can work his debt off and we can start right now and commands me to undress. Omg,this was happening my biggest fears had come true because not only am I conversing with this black dealer but now he's wanting sex with me. I look at Daniel as I undress and this black bastard takes my wrist and forces me to my knees and puts his dick in my mouth and he disrespecting me the whole time with the typical ghetto lanuage and he lays me on the sofa and he gets real aggressive as he really thrust into me and I do orgasm and they take turns with me then they lead me to this Escalade and for 4 days I am constantly fucked with very little sleep until my son's debt is paid. I had to tell my husband everything I thought is was the right thing to do and it was but I left out an important part that I kept secret and that was that I realized I was able to payoff $3,100.00 dollars of debt in just 4 days. Sex is something I enjoy and with my husband overseas I felt deprived of it and the money is great. My husband barely makes $3,100.00 for a whole month so I turned to prostitution to aleviate two problems I was dealing with which was loneliness and debt and I didn't have a problem with selling my body to get what I wanted. Grant it I wouldn't have turned to prositution had Daniel followed his brother's footsteps and stayed straight but there is a silver lining in every cloud and one such silver lining if you can call it that is that I am not longer racist or scared of black ppl and do have quite a few black clients that I service weekly and bi-weekly. After Daniel was forced to watch his mom with these 4 blacks thugs and witnessing the extreme measures that I was willing to go thru to protect him,Daniel got clean and is doing very well. My husband finally got state side and I told him of my exploits into prostitution and how I was still doing it. He wasn't happy. He said that he understood what I did to protect and save our son Daniel but he doesn't understand why I continue doing it. I told him exactly how lonely I was and the money is great. He asked me to quit being he's home and could attend to the loneliness issue and he could do that but now I'm enjoying the men,the sex and the money too much. I tell him I still love him that hadn't changed but over these years I have changed. He agreed that I had changed alright,changed into a whore then asked me what happened to the beautiful loyal woman he married? He tells me he does love me but can't live this way and throws this guilt trip on me that this is what he gets for serving his country. I explain to him that I would love to stay with him and the decision to leave me would be his,not mine. He didn't even stay the night and went to a motel and ironically picks up a hooker off the street and when awakes the next morning the hooker is gone and he realizes there is no attachment between a prostitute and her Johns and he comes back tells me everything and he will accept my new found profession. We are out of debt and doing great. We now have a vacation home on the lake which we go to nearly every weekend where we go boing,fishing,swimming and it's fun. I never thought soo much good could come from a situation soo tragic and I guess you can say that life gave us some lemons and we turned it into lemonade. Life is good these days and my family is strong. My kids know are the greatest and we have not hid any of the events of our story from them and they aren't ashamed of me for doing what I did which I would've done for them all. They tell me I'm thier hero which is kind of strange seeing thier dad risked his life in service of our country and they do respect his sacrifice but they credit me with defending and saving our family and I'll take that with a smile and happy heart. I did sacrifice alot but in the end I'd do it again. Business has been booming even more so ever since I started taking on female clients and couples. Who knew little ole me could've done 180 degree turn where the things I once condemned and considered vile is now my life's work and passion. Truly sex sells and I'm cashing in it. Who knows maybe some of you reading my story will find thier calling in life thru some strange or maybe some terrible chain of events but either way I call it destiny. My destiny to bring joy to soo many ppl looking for just a release from the day to day stresses thru sex is self fulfilling. May God bless you all to find peace and happiness. Muah.
#shameless #drugs #weed #confession
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