George Carlin

Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. ↗

— George Carlin

#need

Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. ↗

— George Carlin

#disillusionment #idealism #disappointment

He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly. ↗

— George Carlin

#feminism #feminist #george-carlin #god #men-and-women

Atheism is a non-prophet organization. ↗

— George Carlin

#organization

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #humour #perspective #philosophie #humor

I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it. ↗

— George Carlin

#religion #religion

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

How is it possible to have a civil war? ↗

— George Carlin

#funny #humor #terminology #war #funny

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. ↗

— George Carlin

#funny #humor #laugh #warning-labels #funny

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”? ↗

— George Carlin

#medicine