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Phyllis Diller

Read through the most famous quotes from Phyllis Diller




The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.


— Phyllis Diller


#head #him #keep #laughing #pro

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'


— Phyllis Diller


#asked #fresh #grass #hours #i

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.


— Phyllis Diller


#cleaning #growing #growing up #house #kids

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.


— Phyllis Diller


#children #i #move #them #then

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.


— Phyllis Diller


#football #never #outfit #play #play football

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.


— Phyllis Diller


#best #best way #eat #get #kitchen

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.


— Phyllis Diller


#be nice #because #children #choose #home

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.


— Phyllis Diller


#bachelor #guy #made #mistake #never

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.


— Phyllis Diller


#bad #commemorate #cooking #harbor #kids

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.


— Phyllis Diller


#away #children #going #home #keeps






About Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller Quotes




Did you know about Phyllis Diller?

Diller also starred in two short-lived TV series: The Pruitts of Southampton (1966–1967); later retitled The Phyllis Diller Show) a half-hour sitcom on ABC; and The Beautiful Phyllis Diller Show (1968) a variety show on NBC. "Am I too late for the trash?" Phyllis Diller'd yell. She created a stage persona of a wild-haired and eccentrically dressed housewife who made self-deprecating jokes about her age and appearance her terrible cooking and a husband named "Fang" while pretending to smoke from a long cigarette holder.

Phyllis Diller (July 17 1917 – August 20 2012) was an American actress and comedienne. She created a stage persona of a wild-haired and eccentrically dressed housewife who made self-deprecating jokes about her age and appearance her terrible cooking and a husband named "Fang" while pretending to smoke from a long cigarette holder.

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