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I do pain pills everyday.
Been doing it for years
never been to jail
never had it destroy my life
never lost a job over it
or a boyfriend
or a friend
I don't want to quit I don't want to get better>
I just wanna have a damn good time :)
I don't think there's anything wrong with that
I've always been depressed. For as long as I can remember the past 7 years have been hell in my life. There were some really good times when the flame gets too hot you enjoy it, like spending time with your family or staying up with your one friend but every single night, for the past 7 years, not once did I feel I was good with life. I'm not suicidal anymore, I think it's ridiculous. I don't self harm, or do anything I don't want to to my body. I'm so tired of life, but I don't want to die either. I want to pause, sit still, be quite and freeze everything around me. I want to be completely alone, surrounded by no one and nothing. No light, no color, no voice, sounds, or noise. I want the whole world to stop.
#depression #time #quite
While we were at a conference for my husbands company I found myself alone with his boss, a handsome black man, and he started flirting with me. I played along and he kissed me and started feeling my butt. I guess I was in a trance and showed no resistance. We didn't have long, so he pushed me down to my knees, unzipped, and pulled out a huge black dick and directed it towards my mouth. I immediately opened to accept its large head, and he started fucking my mouth like I was his personal slut or something. Truth be told, I not only showed no resistance. I would have probably done what ever he wanted. He started talking to me, encouraging me to suck him, and made the statement that he bet I had never had a dick like that before. Boy was he right. He held on to my head and I could feel him tensing up, so I knew what was coming; he unloaded a huge load of cum right down my throat. I swallowed every drop, then he helped me to my feet, zipped up and we made our way back to the gathering. On the way back I asked him to look at me and make sure I didn't have any cum on my face or blouse. I didn't , so we made our way back. When I saw my husband I walked over and gave him a kiss and a smile. I then looked over, and his boss was watching me from across the room. He smiled, and held up his glass as to toast me from across the room. I returned the smile, and toasted him as well.
I have a co-worker I would love to beat to death, He interjects in everyone's conversations and is a total know-it-all. He's fucking ugly and gross and makes me sick. He always makes stupid facial expressions when you make eye-contact with him. He's a Star Wars fan and on May 4th he walked around the office saying "May the Fourth be with you. UGH! I just want beat him to a bloody pulp with a baseball bat and dance around in his brains.
I've been in deep depression for...well, it's been so long I forget. My family has now began to put it aside and I'm starting to be the neglected forgotten child in the house. My sister's kid has started to take my place. My father and I rarely talk anymore. Just the other day he refused to look at me once. The desire to just kill myself gets stronger every day. The pain of self harm starts to feel calming now. The pray that when I fall sleep, I never wake up. I keep a tab open of fastest ways to kill myself. I hate the fact I have to deal with this reality. I just want it to end....so bad. I've hurt myself to many times and no one has cared anymore. I've written so many suicide notes. I'm broken.
When I was still with my ex, we never had time alone because everyone seems to always be home. So every little chance we get, we would be all up on each other.
One night, my sister and her boyfriend was taking him home (at the time, both of us doesn't drive yet). My sister has these big fluffy pillows that she keeps in the backseat of her car for decorations. I would put the pillow of my lap so that he could sneak his hand under and fingered me. I always made sure to wear shorts so that he would have easy access to my pussy. it really turned me on that we were doing this right behind their backs! And the pillow was big enough that I could spread my legs and they wouldn't even know.
So as they are arguing about something, he is fingering me under the pillow and it felt so good!! I remember trying not to moan. Sometimes, if I was brave enough, I would pretend to hug the other pillow so that he could touch my breast without them seeing. So one hand would be fingering me and the other would be squeezing my tits.
Although we are not together anymore, I still get horny whenever I think back about all the crazy things we did together.
Sometimes I want to go kill my girlfriends family because they annoy the hell out of me and I think up different ways I would kill them
#kill
I am with my boyfriend for ages and I really would be a mother but he still wants to wait. So I just stopped taking the birth control pill. This happened over a year ago (!) and I am still not pregnant. Maybe the universe tries to tell me that I shouldn't have children with him? Maybe he's bad for me? Maybe there's some other guy out there who's perfect for me? I now started taking the pill again, maybe my shining prince will come soon?
#pregnant #baby #children #mother #pill #birth #control #universe #prince
A 13 year old girl made me strip nude and masturbate in front of her!
I knew as soon as I saw her beautiful blonde haired blue eyed face approaching that she was coming to watch me masturbate and cum. She said, " Remember you said that you would show me your dick? Can I see it now?" So I stripped nude and my dick was hard already! Then she asked me, " Can I watch you Masturbate?" So I started to masturbate and she stood in front of me watching. She was so gorgeous and sweet, she really let me take my time masturbating. I knew that she wanted to watch me cum and that she would stand there looking at me while I was masturbating for as long as it took for me to cum, so I took my time. My prick was so big and hard, I occasionally let go of it so that she could actually see it throbbing. I wanted her to know how much I loved masturbating in front of her so I looked at her and smiled while I was masturbating in front of her. Then I started cumming, I just couldn’t hold back any longer. When I came she saw my cum squirt out 5 or 6 feet several times and she stood right there watching until I completely finished cumming. As I was cleaning up my cum she smiled and said "Thanks" and then walked away. She then told all her girlfriends what I did. -Glenn Willis
I used to have anger problems. I had gotten a horrible therapy for it so it never had gone away. My anger comes from my father who has outbursts a lot. Most of my anger is inside of my head. I’m scared to ever let it out because I might snap. I have horrible thoughts of anger. Like killing someone or torturing them. My father and brother have said on multiple occasions that I’m going to become a Murder with it. All because I had anger problems in the past. I’m to scared to hit. I can make my brother cry and bleed in one hit. I’m too scared that I’m going to snap one day like my dad.
i used to like acting slutty for one of my ex bf, he used to tell me to dress slutty or sometimes at night when everyone was sleeping at my place we would have phone on the sex and would order me to go to the lounge room naked and masturbated. i would be doggy style rubbing and fingering myself, my ass facing the door. he loved it when i orgasm and moaned loud, which i did cause it excited me because of the thrill of getting caught or watched without knowing from my parents or brothers. i was so bad and slutty but i loved it. i missed these times.
#phonesex #ex #thrill #masturbation
I'm really ready to go out n get into sum serious trouble with some one, and too bad for me if I die cuz I agreed to this , but I hope I survive!
Ever since the first vacation we took with my husbands parents I have been having sex with my father in law. He takes it as an opportunity to get me alone and he treats me like his little slut. This started 19 years ago.
I go out playing Pokémon GO with my dad and his friends. Hoping, one of his friends will notice me. He’s married with two children. I feel so bad, but I just want him. I’m disgusting, I know. I won’t do anything, but deep down I want something to happen.
I stayed with my BFF and her family in a lake cabin one summer when I was 14. Most days we would go fishing with her dad. My friend and I were competeing for best tan so we probably lied on the bow more than fish. She would move her suit inward, so I'd follow. We didn't want any tan lines. Bolder with time we went topless. Her dad fished and acted as though everything was normal. So we ended up taking it further by sunbathing completely nude. I still recall the thrill of being naked and observed. That was the start to being an exhibitionist. I returned to school braless until my parents realized. I fought with my mom for months until she gave in. Dad stayed out of it and enjoyed my new look. So ten years later I have rarely worn a bra or panties and flash a victim of choice at every opportunity. The more excited they act, the more I get turned on. I love to get nasty too.
Back when I was 7 or 8 me and my child hood friend always makes out. No clothes only underwear we humped each other while making out i always thought it felt good. we're both girls looking back at it now i think that's is my lesbian awakening
#kiss
I'm a 21 year old gay male. Decent looking.
Anyway this starts all the way back in elementary school, I always felt different. I was the odd kid out and often picked on but if you were to look at me there would be no obvious reason. I was clean, looked normal but I was always off, this is when the horrible pattern started. I had met this kid, let's call him Cody, anyway we hit it off at first when school started because he was the new kid and I was a loner and we bonded over just running around at recess because neither of us liked sports (or ever were invited to play) and the swing set. As the year went on I thought everything was fine and normal, his mom even started volunteering at the school to serve snacks for the students which had given me a chance to meet his mom which I thought was great until i got pulled into the office one day. I was told that I was being suspended for harassing another student, it turns out Jake was deeply afraid of me and my vivid imagination, so afraid that he had pretended to be my friend so he wouldn't get hurt. His mom volunteered at the school to even keep an eye on me so she can see for herself what was going on. That's when I really knew something was wrong with me and what sickens me is that this exact same pattern of me finding one person and developing a dangerous fixation on them, my intent is never to harm them but I do... never physically but I'm so insecure in everything about myself. I need to pick a fight with them just to know that they care enough to argue back. I make up a sad story or suicide attempt to see how much they love me. I constantly push these boundaries to test how much they will take and if they will hurl me out of their lives too. This pattern has slowed down but not in a healthy way, ive now turned to opiates to give me that feeling of euphoria I would get when someone would say something nice to me or give me a hug. I'm up to about 160-200 mg of oxycodone use a day which I guess is enough to kill someone without a tollerance and everyday I wish I wouldn't wake up from my nod. When this isn't enough I turn to casual sex on grindr just so I can still feel sexy and desired, I never use condoms because I hope I get HIV, that'll kill me in a few years if I don't treat it hopefully. Oh I should also mention that the only person that ever loved me unconditionally no matter how bad I got died of cancer when I was 19, the same time my "fiancé" left me. He was actually pretty good at dealing with my crazy, he knew how to work around it but after losing my mom I got really bad. Wanna know what's funny? I have a high paying job! I'm really smart and manipulative so I was able to cheat a resume and land a 30$ an hour job, I just pretended I knew what was going on lol I've even bought a car recently. I have this random peaks of energy and sanity I think where I set a goal and then I work hard to acheieve it, all while hiding a drug addiction. This isn't easy to do but any addict can tell you that they'll figure something out to push them through the day. As you can see this is so haphazardly written because this is how my brain works, I'm never on a single path and do you want to know the sickest thing that torments me the most in my life? I love. I love so hard. I love everyone and everything. All I want to do is love each and every person on this earth and i know that I have enough compassion in my heart to go around to each one of you but with my deadly desire to be desired like that in return all I do is hurt anyone who crosses my path. I've stopped now. I even got on methadone to start saving up a chunk of money for my family and entered the methadone clinic who dose me every morning before work, then I go to my office, milk the fuck out of the clock, go home, pop some xanax or whatever drug I can get my hands on because I have stockpiled fake pee for the UA's and pass the fuck out. On my days off it's just a blur of some type of intoxication. The beauty of this is, I'm no longer harming anyone, I tell my family I'm just dedicated to my career and they believe me because they see the new diesel (used 2011) Ford Dually I bought. I'm not in emotional pain for the lack of not having human interactions. My account is growing slowly but since I don't pay rent I can put almost half my monthly income into savings. I've written a list of the names of all the people I've hurt and for each name is a letter telling them everything that's beautiful about them. In 6 more months (if my body can hold up to my downers at night and daytime stimulants) I'll leave on a positive note with my dads debt paid off and my brother a newer truck which he should be able to make the payments on with the way I got the loan set up. Fuck you guys I'm so sorry I've failed you all. I was supposed to be the one to take every tear and change it for you... there has never been a time when my compassion didn't bring joy to someone's face, in fact that's the only thing that's kept me here this long. Kill me if you want and can find out who posted this, it would help. Today is January 7th.. late July and the toxic creature that has infected our existence as a species will enter the void of nothingness. Damnit, I was supposed to be something so beneficial. Anyway, bye babes. You have my love - mine is not to reason why, yours is not to make reply for I am to do and die.
#insanity #death #suicide #fear #addiction #abandonment #loss
I want to confess that I once thought about going on a killing spree.
Please don't get me wrong, I know how terrible this is but I just couldn't handle it anymore. Back in middle school all other kids hated me, bullied me and pranked me. After a girl pretend to like me but just did so because she had lost a bet, I was furious. I actually had planned the attack but was too afraid to do it.
I am now a grown up man in my mid 30 and I am very glad I haven't ruined my life like that.
My dog is dying and I think I am going to end his suffering. He is an old but very good boy and his body is full with cancer. I just can not see him like this. He does not eat much. He does not drink much. I informed myself about the most humane way to put him to sleep. I bought special kind of sleeping pills. And I am going to put that into his water or his food (I am not sure about this one yet) tonight.
I am devastated but I think it is for the best.
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