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Started my first job today, had a panic attack for the first time in 3 years. I embarrassed myself infront of the owner. My grandma told me I still have to go back tomorrow, and that "You just have to push yourself". Honesty thinking about killing myself tonight. I don't want to do this, i don't want to go back.
The only reason i even agreed to getting a job is to help my family. I never planned this far ahead in my life. I really thought I'd be dead aready. I know im selfish. Im tired of living like this. I fucking hate myself so much. I dont want to do anything. I even got a bike for riding to work, and some money to buy me brand new clothes for the first time in 4 years. My brother gets new clothes alot, idk if gma buys them or if he does, more than likely both, he whines until she caves. (does she not like me?). If i dont work ill have to give it back, my grandma spend some of the money towards other items we need for ourselves (laundry soap,and some other stuff you cant buy with food stamps.) She doesn't work so we cant spare the money(around $180). I feel like i have to take care of her so much, but i dont do shit just leech off of her. But i also fucking hate her, she just keeps denying shit that happening. I dont feel a connection with her anymore, i don't want to be here. I dont see her as i use to, a mom. Shes just a pushover shes not the same person i grew up with a child. I dont know whats up with her. She just eats, smoke, goes on facebook. She smells bad a good amount of the time. But i dont tell her, why should i? Do i still love her? Respect her? She doesnt talk care of herself anymore, did i cause this? Did raising me and my brother do this to her?
Sorry about this, just needed to rant. I dont plan on responding to this. Dont even think anyone will read this grammer shit fest. Im just doing this to help me think outside of my head.
I am 35years old, no career, no job and need to take care of my mum. I am in need (more desperate ) of a career, an income and some independence to be able to help my mum. I have so many dreams and I honestly do not even know how to begin fulfilling them. This is never how I imagined my life going. I feel so helpless. All I have is a dream to become a beauty therapist and no way of doing so. How did i get here? My confession is I am so desperate for help, I am considering the unthinkable.
i guess im going to write this in the most unknown topic saying theres only 2 pages lolz anyways hey my name is jake and maybe ill find this sometime in the future or maybe i wont because ill be dead or happy but im hoping ill be happy but selfishness man do i have a lot of that i mean if you consider the fact that i am mentally and emotionally and psyically
I am depressed for quite a while now. It happens some times that I feel really really down for a couple of weeks, but it always gets better again after a while. But in those few weeks I feel really shitty and I also self harm. I innately feel like I am full of shit and deserve everything bad I get.
But now... it does not go away. I feel like this since around November last year and I guess it keeps getting worse and worse. I started wondering about suicide now. That never happened before. I imagine what it would be like if I ended it all, how everyone would react and how I would do it and how it would all simply be over. And it is not just like those thoughts you have, but real consideration.
Why am I writing this confession now? I just had one of those thoughts, of just ending it and I actually felt giddy and full of anticipation. It was only for a few seconds, but I think I need help.
#depression #help #suicide #selfharm #hurt
The last few months I've been working out and trying to get skinny. I can't even look myself in the mirror without crying.
I'm depressed and I use porn or sexual innuendos as a coping mechanism. Does it make me happy for those few minutes, yes. Does it help me, well no. It makes the situation even worse.
#sex #depression #porn #stupid
i feel so lonely, i don't have emotions, no happy, i feel empty, no one cares, and...finally there is one noticed... but i still alone
I mixed up my depressants with my laxative and I now have to go to the toilet every few minutes, it's terrible! :(
Please release me from this! :(
#depressants #laxative #toilet #terrible #confession #embarrassing
I've fallen so behind on all my school work I just hate myself for it. My anger issues have returned after being controlled for 3 years. I fell like a failure after all my low grades. I'm trying to get into a school with one third acceptance rate but I know I won't get there if I can't get my shit together. I feel like shit. I wish I knew what I was doing. I need to see my therapist again. At this point, I feel defeated and like I'll just settle for a university I know I'll get into. There, I'll at least have maybe somewhat of a chance to explore my sexuality. I'm just trying to be optimistic. Its kinda awful to be optimistic given my circumstances, but there's nothing else to do. If I don't have that, then I won't care. So maybe I will kiss a guy if I ultimately fail at life this year. At least there's that.
I did so many wrong choices... i was drunk cuz i got kicked from school few weeks ago.. and my dumb ass went home alone, in dark clothes and i saw car... i was so scared but he saw me... well until i realized he went straight into tree.. i was the cause of the accident... i mean noone got killed but still i feel like shit for that... got no charges however, still dont know how...
#depression #accident #car #unwell #choices #confession
I 21 year old girl and i masterburate. And for this reason i literally HATE MYSELf. I feel disgust being me. I love Jesus and i know how much pain he endured to take my sin still despite so many promises i lose my self control and watch porn and masterburate. Hate my body my face my life and myself
Hey.. I hate myself I am so much fat..I think that I m burden for this earth I don’t score well in exam I get teased by my cousin..
I’ve been in therapy my whole life and I just wanna end all this pain and suffering. It’s so hard to get going and continue to live day by day by day.
I just can’t deal with all of this anymore.
I really just wanna end it all - i’m so done with everything
I don't think I am good enough for anyone. I put my guard up in intimate relationships and find it easier to talk to friends. The only way to feel value is when I can help them through a tough time. It makes me feel useful and that I can have a purpose in life.
I think having no one to talk to for like a year and a half has warped me. Now I’m going days and days without sleep. I think i leave comments because that’s my only human interaction. I type to myself.
But If no one wants to listen to me, or talk to me. And I’m confused and not sleeping, then no one wants to read my foolishness anyways. I’m going to try to just stop unless it’s important. I doubt it last an hour.
I highly resent my oldest stepson and secretly count down the days until he leaves for college in 7 years
#bottling #hate #stepson #college #depression
So im a 16 year old with a girlfreind and i think i should leave her she told me i was abusive but she wants to stay with me and i love her i dont mean to hurt her i really dont she means the world to me and idk what to do i think i should leave her but idk i need help
I lie about everything. I lie to my teachers, I lie to my friends, I lie to my family. I don't want them to know that I am not ok. I don't want them to worry. I don't want them to know that this is the worse I have ever been. I don't want them to know that I think about suicide everyday.
You are my first love. I can’t get over you. But you got over me real quick. It’s funny that you mean so much to me but I never meant anything to you.
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