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I don’t care whether I live or die anymore. I’ve started just taking taking too many pain killers hoping it might just be enough to finish me off, if it wasn’t for the effort required in ending it all I’d already be dead.
Oh you guys do NOT understand how much I hate this fucking shit life. Gosh people annoy me so fucking much, plus I’ve got no friends. UGHHJJ I fucking hate it, you guys just don’t understand words can’t explain how much I hate life NO WORDS. The only good about life is food nothing else. UGHHHHH and I’m not going to kill myself because I still wanna eat, but that’s about all that’s hkeeping me going
Went into nursing for the money and because I didn't know what else to do with my life. Now six weeks into my first job, I'm already thinking about leaving. I've struggled with depression, insecurity, and suicidal thoughts for about 7 years, and this career has resurfaced all of those old emotions. Working alongside nurses with 20+ years of experience and new doctors that think they know everything under the sun has made me feel incompetent, ignorant, and foolish. Don't get me wrong, I want to excel and be the best person I can, but it's just been so tough, mentally and spiritually. I'm starting to feel broken down before I even get on my feet. :/
#depression #greed #suicide #nursing #medicine #anxiety #despair
Today, I skipped work because I wanted to go shopping.
I went to a shop and tried some clothes on, when I saw one of my bosses coming really close. He hadn't seen me then so I decided to hide behind a manikin.
At first, it looked like it would work, but then someone tapped me on my shoulder, I twitched, fell down with the dummy on top of me.
Now, I got a dissuasion from work and I have the order to stay away from the shop.
when I was in primary school I had a group of friends that I thought were my friends and didn't really fit in. when they would do something I would always get blamed or somedays they wouldn't even talk to me or look at me. I took the fall for them a lot and my mom keeps on telling me that I need to stick up for myself but when I do I let my anger get the best of me and I lose friends. it happens as well even though I'm in secondary school and most days my friend's don't talk to me or they are talking about me but I feel like I can't trust anyone and I am scared that when I am older ill be as alone as I am right now
Three months ago, something embarrassing happened to me. I had the bad habit not to wear underwear. Didn't think about it but then it happened. I was walking across the street and got hit by a car. Because I bled very badly, an ambulance came, drove me to hospital and there, a young, handsome doctor came in and said he needed to check me. I refused but after a while, I had to agree.
The highlight was, I hadn't shaved in a long time....
Since then, I always wear underwear.
I am a preschool teacher but I hate working with kids. Such little brats!
I am a Christian I go to church but on the side I am gay and I'm afraid to tell my pastor
#gay #lie #afraid #confession #religious
I've been in deep depression for...well, it's been so long I forget. My family has now began to put it aside and I'm starting to be the neglected forgotten child in the house. My sister's kid has started to take my place. My father and I rarely talk anymore. Just the other day he refused to look at me once. The desire to just kill myself gets stronger every day. The pain of self harm starts to feel calming now. The pray that when I fall sleep, I never wake up. I keep a tab open of fastest ways to kill myself. I hate the fact I have to deal with this reality. I just want it to end....so bad. I've hurt myself to many times and no one has cared anymore. I've written so many suicide notes. I'm broken.
Its been about 3 years since I admitted to my self that I was depressed. I have always been the one to do stupid things but after those things happen, feelings start to seep in the voices start to get to my head, you are a stupid girl, a brat not worth anything, why don't you just leave it would save them all this trouble. You wouldn't be I missed, you are worh nothing, all you cause is heart ache...ect. These tpes of things always ran threw my mind, and soon and still I believe it. All it seems I can do well is suck money from my parents and pain for my friends and family and the people around me. It seems like no matter what I do , it wont stop. I cut sometimes when I get it deep and I also beat myself over it. I feel like no mstter what even my mom hstes me and my dad to. Sometimes I think of running away, or just kill myself, or just ask my parents to put me up for
adoption. But I am to selfish to do that. I just want to be set free and live with god and the ones that I cant hurt anymore. That would make them happy....
That was me then but now its starting to change I now understand if I do those things I would hurt them even more, I am now starting to open up even more about my feeings but I still keep some of them hidden but it is getting better I found the light at the end of the tunnel and now I am following it and chasing it it will get etter, but I still got a ways to go. No matter what just look for that light no matter how dim it is and go grab it,. It will be worth it!
I love him, but I'm tired of being patient and accepting his moody whims and anxiety driven doubts. Sometimes I want to scream at him "grow the fuck up!" But instead I calm myself and busy myself with cleaning or go do something alone to breathe through my frustration and anger.
He's in his mid-30s and a divorced father, so I expect him to be a bit more mature than he is, but maybe that's my problem. We are the same age and it's frustrating that he hasn't learned how to be more responsible and take more initiative.
He seems incapable of moving forward and making decisions about his future, which is largely because he endlessly feels stuck by his kids and hopeless about the future.
We are adults, it's time to stop crying over the spoiled milk and make the most of the life we have, which is pretty amazing actually. He backed out of marriage and now he wants to back out of living together, but still claims to love me and want to be only with me. Truth is, if I move out to "give him time" to get his shit together, I already have my eye on another guy who can warm my bed for me. I hate being alone. I hate living alone. I have feeling alone. If he can't understand that after everything we've been through, then he doesn't really know anything about me. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone I didn't give birth to, but I'm tired of being the after thought. I'd like to be someone's priority for a change because I always prioritize the person I'm with.
I'm so fucking angry I want to scream. Why do men have to be so fucking selfish!? Even the good ones have a sense of entitlement that because I'm a woman I'll pick up their mess and help them take care of their kids because they're in over their head. Then they take advantage of me, like I'm nothing special for taking care of them and theirs.
I got a lot of love to give and I spoil my man as much as I can, so what gives? Why is it fine for me to take my man out for his birthday and he can't even write my name on a store bought card let alone take me out to dinner!?! I'm gone for a WEEK and I come back and the house is destroyed. He leaves for 4 days and comes back to a clean house. I go out for groceries, I bring back stuff he likes. I make little things to remind him I love him and show him I'm his. I don't yell or complain or whine or bring up crap that's done and over with. I never get jealous or pressure him for more time. I'm a really great girlfriend, actually. I don't spend his money or expect him to buy me things. I don't mess with his stuff or make our life about me. I love his family and remember important dates, I take care of his kids and try to be fun and supportive and loving and happy. When something goes wrong, I shrug it off and keep moving forward. I hold him when he's hurting and celebrate when he's excited about something. What else am I supposed to do? I never deny him sex and we have a great sex life. I cuddle him and give him attention all the time, flirting or being playful, teasing and just being warm and kind. If he needs space, I'm happy to give him space and go do my own thing. But if I want to go out, it's usually he wants to stay home. I'll be the third or fifth wheel with my friends because he just wants to stay home.
I know I deserve to be treated better, but I don't know if I believe such a man exists. My boyfriend is the best guy I've ever met, even all this bullshit included, because I have known a lot of selfish assholes. I've loved addicts and mentally ill men. I've taken care of them as they cry on the toilet, shitting while they're high and depressed. I hold them as they sob ugly tears because they've cheated on me or found themselves in a bad place and they know they're hurting me - but I can't stand to see them so destroyed so I hold them and let them fall apart while I hush them and tell them it's going to be ok, that I still love them. Because I do still love them.
I want to cut out my own heart and light it on fire. I don't want to be swayed by men. I don't want to love my boyfriend so much that I put up with all his bullshit, waiting for him to figure it out because he's been at a disadvantage for so long. I am so weary of this fucking life. I can't be anything but nice. It's not in me to bitch at people or be mean. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want someone to love me and think I'm special with as much excitement and effort as I put into my love and admiration of them. Even steven. Is that really too much to ask?
I lie to my family, tell them I don't have shit to self-harm with, I go through their things for my addiction. The urges are too strong. I think i'm going to die soon by running into the highway.
I'd like to beat the crap out of my fellow students, they're just so f****** dumb!!
I feel like I am in a nursery school when I am around them. I hate them so much, these stupid, barbaric and ugly people!
You are stupid and lazy! You'll land on the street some day!
I am here to relax and read which ultimately leads to masturbation. Here I get ideas, think I'm normal, and think some of my thoughts are weird, liking thinking of my boyfriend's dad to give me a big orgasm. I am a 17 yo virgin and the only sex has been with my current 16 yo boyfriend and it's pretty bland. I guess that's all the more reason I like to masterbate. That's all.
This isn't really a sin, but I'm not sure if I'm weird for it.
I listen to either BGMs or just any songs in general and in my head, I come up with music videos (that have storylines to it) with my OCs [original characters] in them. One time, I played an entire Chronicles of Narnia BGM playlist on YouTube and for the entire 30+ minutes, all I did was just sit there creating an entire story using my imagination with my OCs while music was being played in the background.
Is that weird??
#music #imagination #musicvideos #musicvideo #video #narnia #weird
I'm a 17 year old female. I cut my self for years but little did anyone know. My family lacked to noticed and little did they know I needed and wanted help. 6-9th grade I spent my days crying in the bath tub slowly taking a razor to my thighs and my wrist. I would just look and watch the blood escape my body as tears fell onto my fresh cuts. My boyfriend didn't know neither did my friends... it took me 3 and a half years to find different ways to cope. I haven't touched a razor since then and I don't plan on it now. It's just so disappointing that not even my family or friends noticed...
It started when I was 14, I was being bullied, and abused by my boyfriend, and not knowing who to turn to, or how to even explain what people were doing to me, I looked for a release. I found it in self-harming. For months no one knew what I was doing, then my boyfriend caught me. He began to abuse me even further. It progressed from one time a week, to every day, to 2-3 times a day. This went on for nearly 8 months when my boyfriend then committed suicide.
I took it for the worse and tried to OD. I got help but 2 months later I relapsed, then another 4 months after than I did again. This went on until I met my now boyfriend. To this day, two years later I still self-harm when I breakdown. But for now I have been 3 months free.
Dear ex boyfriend, I hope you find peace in heaven and love I couldn't give you when you were alive. Sorry for making you feel like a shit...now I am here feeling like shit myself, I wish I could do something to bring you back to me, but unfortunately I can't. I am hurt because I loved you too...I still do it's just that I didn't know how to show it. Forgive me if you can....I will always love you even though you are not here with me, but your memories are.
I found out my wife had been fucking many guys behind my back. I knew she was a whore, she'd fucked at least 60 guys if not a 100 before I even knew her. In fact when I was only 16 and she was 19 she was my first fuck. Her boyfriend was a friend of my older cousins and he used to put her out for gangbangs. One of my cousins told him I was a virgin and her BF let me come into the motel room where she was lying on the bed with cum all over her mouth, her small tits, and leaking out of her pussy. I found out later it was leaking out of her ass as well. I was the 11th guy to fuck her that night another 10 or more came after me. Though I was 11th, she'd taken from the previous 10 guys a total of 16 loads of cum all over her. I added one more in her pussy and lost my virginity.
After that her boyfriend would let me come around his place and fuck her 1 on 1 sometimes, that's how I got my first BJ and my first anal sex. Sometimes he'd invite me to her gangbangs as well. So I knew that when I married her she was a used up slut and I wanted that. She did anything I wanted sexually.
But to go behind my back and I found out she'd been doing it for several years with at least 8 guys.
So for revenge, I gave all the info to some guys, they had a total of 10 guys and they threw her in their van when she came out of her office into the garage. They took her to a vacant house and all 10 took turns buttfucking her and recording it all. I thought that was enough, but they brought in some homeless bums and made them pay her a quarter to fuck her well used pussy or mouth. They kept her clothes, and wrote how many times she'd been fucked on her, then pushed a needle into each nipple, not through like a piercing, but directly into the nipple at a straight angle, in about 2 inches. They left her phone and she called me. I picked her up and didn't take any clothes for her despite the fact she "ordered" me to.
She was angry that I had no clothes, and angry this had happened to her and I reminded her of how we met, she didn't even know my name and I was fucking her. Then I let her know of the 8 names I knew she'd been fucking and told her to keep it up, and reminded her what would happen to her if she did. I fucked her, then made her give me the coins the homeless guys gave her. There were 12 quarters. I took her home naked. When we got home I made her make us some food while naked and wouldn't let her clean or even wipe her leaking ass and pussy. Instead she sat on my lap with my cock up her butt and we ate while I watched the video with her. My last words to her (other than the two times more I came in her) were . . . "Always let me know when you're going to be a slut, if I agree there won't be a problem"
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